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I had the opportunity to discuss this issue on ABC Radio, Gold Coast, with Nicole Dyer. The following is from the ABC web site. The audio may be listened to below too. Love to read your thoughts!

Designer Alex Perry has apologised after sending 21 year old model, Cassi Van Den Dungen, down the runway at Australian Fashion Week, looking extremely thin. But it has renewed debate about the health of models in the industry, and the example being set for young women. Nicole spoke to Dannielle Miller, an educator, and an author of books like ‘The Girl with the Butterfly Tattoo: A girl’s guide to claiming her power’, and also to former model, now author and mum, Chloe Maxwell.

Audio: 

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Affirmation Cards are one of the tools we at Enlighten give girls; these support them in maintaining the positive approaches we introduce them to during our workshops.

Affirmations are short, positive statements that can used to boost strength or chart a new course in our lives. They also have profound effects on mental health and the development of resilience as they train us to focus on the positives rather than obsess over the negatives. Some people find it helpful to repeat an affirmation when they wake each morning, others when the going gets tough. Some like to write affirmations down and pin them up around the house.

The key is focus and repetition. Most of us would agree that if you constantly use negative self-talk ( “I am so fat and ugly, no one will love me”) this has a negative impact on us. In fact, such dark thoughts can trigger devastating physical effects.

We need to understand too then that focused, purposeful positive thoughts can have a similarly profound, healing impact on us. This explain why the use of positive affirmations is also used frequently in therapy for mental illnesses such us depression and anxiety.

It is important to note, however, that using positive affirmations should not prohibit negative feelings, nor does it imply we ned to walk around in a constant state of smiling, hugging bliss! There is nothing wrong with feeling sad, angry, or frustrated. Feelings are not good or bad; they just are what they are. Grief, anger and anxiety are all important emotions to experience, and we need them for guidance. For example, if someone is treating you badly and you feel angry about it, anger is giving you the message that it’s not OK for someone to treat you that way. Psychologist Jacqui Manning explained it to me this way when I was researching my latest book, Loveability: ” Think of your heart as a bus, and your emotions as the passengers. Allow the whole spectrum of emotions on your bus — that is, don’t kick anyone off — but don’t let anger or anxiety hop in the driver’s seat (at least, not for long!).”

Recently on Facebook I shared affirmations designed to support girls to form, and maintain, positive, nurturing relationships. These were taken from Loveability – An Empowered Girl’s Guide to Dating and Relationships.

Perhaps you might wish to share some of these with the girls in your life too. Feel free to copy, share, print, download.

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You might also like to download “The Butterfly Effect”, a free iPhone App I designed which provides girls with daily affirmations, quotes from inspiring women, and links to key web sites that support girls and women. Affirmations are also being widely used in a number of new Apps aimed at treating mental health issues. You may read more about this trend here.

Back in 2008 I shared the excellent GirlGuiding UK report on Teenage Mental Health: Guiding The Way. 

This week I want to share some of the findings of this organisation’s latest report on what girls say about equality.

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Screen shot 2014-03-26 at 9.36.08 AMFirstly, the report makes it very clear there is still much to be done. Figures like the ones shared here on sexism and sexual harassment are based on a survey conducted with 1,288 girls aged between 11 and 21. The results absolutely reflect the experiences of the many thousands of girls we at Enlighten work with here in Australia, New Zealand and Singapore, and are supported by the concerns both parents and educators share with us too.

But it was this research collated on sexual harassment that I think we urgently need to explore further:

The majority of girls and young women experience gender-based harassment, starting when they are at school.

Girls aged 11 to 21 are as likely to be exposed to harassment at school as on the street: 60% have had comments shouted at them about their appearance at school and 62% have been shouted or whistled at on the street (rising to 76% of 16- to 21-year-olds). This behaviour has a clear impact on girls’ sense of safety – 78% aged 11 to 21 find it threatening to be shouted or whistled at if they are on their own. It also affects younger girls, with a third aged 7 to 11 having experienced such harassment at school (31%).

Among girls aged 13 and over, seven out of ten have experienced more intrusive forms of sexual harassment at school or college. Half have experienced sexual jokes or taunts (51%), four in ten have seen images of girls or women that made them feel uncomfortable (39%), a third report seeing rude or obscene graffiti about girls or women (33%), and over a quarter say they have experienced unwanted sexual attention (28%), unwanted touching (28%) or unwanted attention or stalking (26%). Exposure to sexual harassment increases sharply with age – just over half of 13-year-olds report experiencing such behaviour (54%), rising to 80% of 19- to 21-year-olds.

Co-incidently, only this week I received an email from a young girl from a school here in Sydney:

Hello Dannielle.. I’ve met you a few times and I even got a signed book from you and I think you’re absolutely empowering and inspiring woman. I really need your help today though. I’ve started noticing that teen boys at my school have become quite.. invasive towards girls and at times just plain rude. I know that some say it’s just boys being boys but I find it quite appalling, all girls deserve respect. Even some of my friends have been affected by this and it’s come to the point where I have just had enough and I’m not sure what to do. I want to help solve this but I’m not sure how to do it without coming off too forceful and rude…

Girls need to know what is ok, what isn’t, and how to respond. Nina touched on the need to equip girls to know how to set boundaries and respond assertively to harassment in this excellent interview she gave on Sunrise about our latest book, Loveability – An Empowered Girl’s Guide to Dating and Relationships. 

Many young women tell me that it is through a collective response that they feel they can make the most impact – hence they are drawn to feminism. Teen girl Lilly Edelstein shared her story of on-line harassment, and her desire to build a strong community of women who could make a stand, with me recently: Reclaim The Night. In our workshop on Real Girl Power we too find girls find a powerful collective voice and learn that together they are a force to be reckoned with. The teen girls at a school I worked at in early 2012 in Sydney were so inspired by Real Girl Power that, at lunchtime, a group of them waltzed up to a particularly sexist boy in their year group. Samantha, the group’s nominated spokeswoman, told him, ‘You always like to say, “Go make me a sandwich,” whenever we say something you don’t agree with in class. Guess what? There will be no sandwiches for you. And you don’t have to like what we say, but you do need to listen. If you try to dismiss us again, we are all going to start clapping loudly every time you speak. It’s going to really shine the spotlight on you, and we’re not sure you’re going to like that.’ There were no more orders for sandwiches, Samantha emailed to tell me. And we realised that collectively, we were strong. You could see the fear in all the boys’ eyes after that … LOL. I loved that this made her laugh – there is indeed a joy in claiming one’s power.

But frankly I am irritated the onus seems to always be on young women (the victims) to deal with this. Schools should be safe places for all students and they must make a collective strong stance against all forms of harassment. I’ve discussed this at my blog before: Facing up to sexual harassment in schools.

According to the Australian Human Rights Commission, a good school sexual harassment policy includes:

  • A strong statement on the school’s attitude to sexual harassment
  • An outline of the school’s objectives regarding sexual harassment
  • A plain English definition of sexual harassment
  • A definition of what sexual harassment is not
  • A statement that sexual harassment is against the law
  • Possible consequences if the sexual harassment policy is breached
  • Options available for dealing with sexual harassment
  • Where to get help or advice.

The Human Rights Commission stresses that a written policy is not enough. Ask yourself:

  • Are people aware of the policy? Do they have a copy of it?
  • Is it provided to new staff and students?
  • Is it periodically reviewed? It is available in appropriate languages?
  • Are there training and awareness-related strategies associated with the policy?

Also, we urgently need to do more work with boys too. As Nina said in the interview above, writing the Guide for boys may well be our “Plan B.” Nina and I both also now run workshops for young men on issues like gender stereotypes, combatting violence against women, and what defines masculinity. But really, we also need good men to stand up now. I’ve posted some excellent videos featuring men who urge for this to happen in the past and these are worth a visit and a share:

I’m Sorry Anna Nicole 

Sydney Boy’s High School Gender Equality Project 

and perhaps my favourite – Violence Against Women – It’s A Men’s Issue.

 

I am absolutely thrilled to share the news that I’ve just been announced as one of three Finalists for the InStyle Magazine Women Of Style Awards in the Charity and Community category. The other Nominees in my category are staggeringly impressive so to be even grouped in amongst them is mind-blowing; I shall join Olivia Newtown John (singer and fundraiser) and Samah Hadid (human rights campaigner).

Awards like this are invaluable as they provide an incredible opportunity to raise the profile of the work my company (Enlighten Education) does empowering young women, and also raises general awareness of the issues plaguing our daughters too.

I thought I’d share a little of the (rather extensive) entry I was asked to submit for this Award with you here.

The Winners are announced in May.

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What drives you?

Hearing from young women daily that the work we did has helped shape their life. I receive amazing feedback after our workshops. The phrase “life changing” crops up a lot. This is one of my favorites:
“Almost a year ago, you visited my school…At the time, I was depressed, suicidal, cutting and constantly contemplating death. Now, almost a year later, I haven’t cut in almost 8 months, and haven’t been suicidal for 6. I want to thank you for helping me realize that I am valued, and that I am loved…I want to thank you for helping me to realise that there are people who can help, and that I’m never alone. You have been a huge influence in my recovery from depression.”

What does style mean to you? (NB: The Women of Style Awards are about style in a greater context than fashion.)

A stylish woman is a woman who is truly comfortable in her own skin. There is something incredibly attractive about seeing a woman who owns her own power and reinvents the rules to suit herself.

Are there any mottos or mantras that resonate with you, or that you live by?

“By building Respect and inspiring Love, business can move the world.” This is a quote from Kevin Roberts. I had it painted on my office wall to remind me daily of my purpose.

What is the best piece of advice you’ve been given – either in life or regards to your career (or both)?

Don’t try to be less just so others will think they are more. The ultimate girl-crime in the playground was “to love yourself”, or to be “up yourself.” Women do themselves, and others, no service by shying away from success. My commitment to step –up is also why I think being nominated for this Award is so special. I would love to show all girls and women that I am proud of what I do, and that I do strive to be brilliant at it!

Are you driven from a desire to be successful?

I don’t think women should ever shy away from ambition! I am incredibly driven to improve outcomes for all young women – and to show how a business can be both profitable, as well as socially responsible and a force for positive change.

US retailer Target recently made the ridiculous choice to (poorly) photoshop an already svelte teen model in order to give her a thigh gap and alien-like limbs.

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On-line news site Mamamia were the first to expose this insanity here in Australia: “What’s disturbing here is not only is someone with inferior retouching skills attacking catalogue images, but that images of teenagers are being slimmed down in the first place.” Amen!

I appreciated the opportunity to discuss this on channel 9′s Mornings program with Mia Freedman:

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Guest post by Melanie Thomas: 

Who else thinks they would rush in to help an old man under attack by a pair of violent young women on a Gold Coast bus?

I have my hand up and so do most people I know when I asked them about this story. The blokes in my life think they would step up sooner than the man in the footage of the assault, but hang on. Would they really?

It takes time to judge and assess a crisis situation. It’s easy to have an opinion about what you would do if you were on that bus. The reality is – you probably wouldn’t do anything.

There is one person who has the jump on all the other passengers on the bus trip from hell. A 13 year old girl films the attack and cries for someone to help. While her voice is small, her words are a command. Moments later a man is in action ending the ordeal for everybody. I would be interested to hear what inspired him into action. Dollars to donuts the command of a frightened 13 year old girl was a deciding factor.

I have nothing but compassion for the discomfort of the passengers mentally wrestling with how to deal with the situation. I expect nobody on the bus knew they were smack bang in the middle of the Bystander Effect, a social phenomenon that proves the more people around the less likely it is someone will help.

It’s interesting stuff. Two social psychologists, Bibb Latané and John Darley were motivated to research human response in a crisis after reading about the 1964 grisly murder of Kitty Genovese. The New York Times reported, “For more than half an hour 38 respectable, law-abiding citizens in Queens watched a killer stalk and stab a woman in three separate attacks in Kew Gardens.”

Surely all 38 witnesses weren’t cowards with dark hearts? The psychologists conducted extensive research and social experiments to discover why nobody helped Genovese. Latane and Darley concluded – the probability of action by an individual in an emergency is inversely proportional to the number of bystanders. So, what does that mean? You’re less likely to get help when there are more people around.

We know there are 5  key reasons at play to stop or delay us from stepping up in a crisis:

1. Fear. Real or perceived fear of becoming the target of the attack

2. Relinquished accountability. With so many other people around the less singular responsibility one feels

3. Blame. Bystanders distance themselves from a situation for fear of being associated with it or even mistaken for the cause

4. Embarrassment. Bystanders might doubt their ability to assess a situation. If they rush to the aid of someone who doesn’t need it or want it, they risk the embarrassment of overreacting

5. Social proof. Bystanders in an ambiguous situation consciously and subconsciously look to others, assuming that they have more knowledge or information for how to react. It’s a problem when everyone assumes that others have good information, when in reality no one does.

I am suspending all judgement for anyone that has to put up with intolerable behaviour on public transport. I’m applauding those passengers with the courage to say stop, film, and report assaults without risking their personal safety.

In my self defence workshop for teen girls we talk about the cowardly lion in the Wizard of Oz. The cowardly lion overcame all kinds of threats and obstacles to get to the Wizard, who “gave” him his courage in the form of a medal. Turns out he already had the courage, he didn’t need a medal.

We all have the courage to be ethical bystanders. The next time a foul mouthed pair of violent girls terrorise a fellow commuter, and sadly there will be a next time, I would love to see a bus load of passengers take a stand – literally. Command an end to unacceptable behavior. Like the cowards they are – they will back down.

enlightenteam_melheadshotMelanie Thomas is the founder of Kyup! Project. Melanie Thomas is a self-defence educator who has trained in in Hapkido, the Korean art of self-defence, since 2000. She held the title of Australian Hapkido Woman of the Year 2005 and is actively involved in the martial arts community. Mel delivers self defense workshops for girls through Enlighten Education. As a teen, Melanie was both bullied and bullied other girls, and as a young woman she experienced domestic abuse – before going on to be an advocate for self-defence and personal safety awareness.

You may download a flyer for the in-school Kyup!Project workshop here:

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Did you know that:

*24% of 14 to 17 year-olds know at least one student who has been the victim of dating violence, yet 81% of parents are either unaware of it, or turn a blind eye. What’s more, 33% of teenagers report knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, choked or physically hurt by their partner.

*72% of teens say boyfriend/girlfriend relationships usually begin at 14 or younger. That’s younger than things used to be, and of those in a tween relationship (11-14 year olds) 20% report that it is conducted with secrecy so that their parents don’t know.

*Of tweens who have been in a relationship, surveys indicate that 62% said they know friends who have been verbally abused and only half of those surveyed claim to know the warning signs of a bad/hurtful relationship.

* As adolescents become more autonomous from their parents, their romantic relationships increasingly become a key source of emotional support. In fact, one study found that, amongst Tenth graders, only close friends provide more support than romantic partners.

*Young people spend a great deal of time thinking about, talking about, and being in romantic relationships yet adults typically dismiss adolescent dating relationships as superficial. The quality of adolescent romantic relationships can have long lasting effects on self-esteem and shape personal values regarding romance, intimate relationships, and sexuality.

* Within the school environment, students may get sex education – but they rarely get relationship education. The crowded education curriculum, and the pressures placed on educators due to external examinations, make the delivery of comprehensive, effective relationship education very challenging.

I had the opportunity to discuss why statistics like these prompted me to partner up with Nina Funnell and write Loveability – An Empowered Girl’s Guide to Dating and Relationships recently on radio 4Bc  in Brisbane. You may listen to this very comprehensive interview here: MediaClips_EED69_EnlightenEducation_4BC_23Feb2013_Miller-2

I was thrilled then when the excellent team at Harper Collins chose to produce Teacher’s Notes with a particular focus on how Loveability could be used in the classroom for the subject Personal Development, Health and Physical Education to achieve the following learning outcomes:

•Stage 4 Personal Development, Health and Physical Education

•Strand 1: Self and Relationships

•Stage 5 Personal Development, Health and Physical Education

•Strand 1: Self and Relationships.

The package may be downloaded here: Teachers Notes Loveability-2

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I’ve also been thrilled at the early uptake from our client schools for Enlighten Education’s new one hour “Loveability” in-school workshop. You may download the flyer for this here: Loveability – EE in-school program flyer

Let’s ensure our girls know how to navigate the often complex world of relationships and receive advice that is smart, warm, engaging and never judgemental.

The following post was originally published by The Hoopla, February 11.  

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As an educator who works with young women, during this the lead up to Valentine’s Day my Facebook News Feed is a virtual parade of teen girl sadness.

“Forever the Single Pringle.”

“The best thing about Valentine’s when you’re all alone? Knowing the chocolates will be half price come February 15.”

“My Valentine’s = a date with a tub of ice cream and a sad face. ”

In order to make their friends feel better, most of the comments following statuses like these are of the “Don’t worry, you’ll find your true love and live happily ever after” variety.

And whilst of course most of us do meet at least one love in our lifetime, not all of us will be with our partners forever. Many young women may go on to not only live without a partner, but to raise families alone.

In fact, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, almost fifteen per cent of all Australian families are one-parent families and almost two-thirds of these have dependents living with them. The vast majority of these families, eighty one per cent, are headed up by single mothers.

By the time girls become women, we are generally far less supportive of those who are not partnered up.

The terms we use to describe a single man make it sound as though he is having a ball doing the coolest things and having many a wild romance. He is a player, playboy, ladies’ man, lady-killer, womaniser, pick-up artist, bachelor, stud.

At best, a single woman might be referred to as a bachelorette, which implies that all she is doing is waiting for her husband to come along. Otherwise, she is labelled as the sad, lonely spinster.

And should she have children? Then she can expect to become the scapegoat for so many of society’s ills. Despite the fact that study after study show that a two-parent, financially stable home with stress and conflict is more destructive to children than a one-parent, financially stable home without stress and conflict, single mothers are frequently blamed for everything from the crime rate, to their own poverty.

As a single mother it might be hard not to take such criticisms personally. Yet my life, and my children’s lives, don’t fit the typical assumptions we make about single parent families at all – partly because I am fortunate enough to be financially independent and well educated.

Study after study also show that despite the rhetoric, it is poverty and instability that effects children – not family composition – making the Government’s decision to cut Newstart funding to single parents seem not just heartless, but ill informed.

Professor Katie Roiphe, in her eloquent “Defense of Single Motherhood” emphasises the necessity of a more balanced, compassionate approach when she concludes: “The real menace to… children is not single mothers, or unmarried or gay parents, but an economy that stokes an unconscionable divide between the rich and the not rich.”

One of my priorities in my latest book on relationships aimed at teen girls was, therefore, to teach our young women how to feel okay, with or without a partner. After all, the pressures placed on girls to meet their Prince Charming start very early.

In order to move beyond the myth that we are only whole if one of two, it is helpful, for example, to put the oppression of single women in a historical context.

In the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries, a particular type of religious zeal took hold in Europe and led to tens of thousands of women being branded as witches. Approximately 100,000 supposed witches were put to death. Those accused of witchcraft were often poor, single women.

In the eighteenth century in England, women had very little choice but to marry. With limited educational opportunities available to them, and no pay equality, most women viewed marriage as the only stable path to financial security. Women also couldn’t own land, and all inheritance was passed down from father to son.

This made women vulnerable, because without a financially stable marriage they would be left destitute. And so the stigma around single women increased (globally, marriage is still considered a serious financial transaction, with dowries and bride-prices transacted as a way of allowing wealthy families to align themselves with other wealthy families).

For many women, the duty to marry well may also have produced great sadness. Once she was stuck in a loveless marriage, a woman often became isolated, her risk of domestic violence increased, her risk of death through child birth increased, and she had no option but to fulfill her conjugal duties. Bucking the trend was a big risk.

During Victorian times, women could be accused of being insane if they made too much of a fuss about their lot. In fact, if a woman expressed something that the male doctors of the day did not agree with, they could deem her words as hysterical ramblings. The term ‘hysterical’ derives from the Greek word meaning ‘womb’ (hence the term ‘hysterectomy’). A deep flaw within our wombs was considered to be able to make us insane. Women could also be sent to mental asylums for having an affair or being considered too sexually excitable. Single women were particularly at risk of being accused of these supposed misdeeds.

Although as single women today we are able to own property and are not at risk of being burnt alive, there is still a lot of work to do before society truly feels comfortable with, and is genuinely supportive of, those of us who are flying solo. Especially if we are mothering.

We still burn women who are seen as pushing boundaries — now we just choose to burn them with our words.

 

N.B – Enlighten launched its in-school one hour “Loveability”workshops for teen girls this week! The response so far from our clients has been phenomenal. To find more about this, visit our web site – www.enlighteneducation.com

You may also wish to read the A4 flyer here: LOVEABILITY – IN SCHOOL PROGRAM. 

NSW teachers can also join Nina and I at a special book launch for educators being hosted at Harper Collins. FREE copies of our book, and a fabulous teacher resource kit, will be distributed to particpants. There is no cost for this but those interested must RSVP:

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Click on both images to enlarge and read Invitation details.

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My writing buddy Nina Funnell and I have spent a busy week doing media for our new book Loveability – An Empowered Girl’s Guide to Dating and Relationships. A highlight for me was speaking to the exceptional Natasha Mitchell on ABC’s Life Matters – you may listen to the interview here. 

Interestingly, the majority of the interviews we did seemed focused on determining at what age parents should allow their children to date. Case in point – this segment on channel 9′s Mornings:

 

The facts? Whether we like it or not, as I state in the interview above ( and teen Jordie confirms) young people are forming relationships at a younger and younger age and trying to ban these only contributes to secrecy. Further, young people spend an inordinate amount of time thinking and talking about relationships so we must ensure warm, wise, realistic and accessible advice is offered early.

Nina recently explained why setting blanket bans and stigmatising all relationships as being potentially dangerous is unhelpful:

“Instead of treating the sexuality of children as something to be either feared or controlled, we need to encourage open conversations about intimacy and relationships. It is also important not to demonise young people’s sexuality or interest in these topics, as this can create stigma, anxiety and shame.

It is deeply unhelpful (for example) to teach young people that the only reason why a girl might seek out intimacy or connection is due to low self esteem and a lack of self worth. This view totally disregards the desires and natural sexual urges of young women as well as the legitimate and positive experiences they may draw from relationships.”

So – how to handle this question in a positive, realistic way?

Again, I called on Nina for she answered this question for girls in the Q&A section of our book (with a little help from our go-to psychologist Jacqui Manning)  I think they nailed it:

Q. My parents think I’m too young to start dating. How young is too young?

A. Knowing the right time to start dating isn’t so much about waiting till you turn a specific age. It’s about ‘taking the time to do it right’, according to psychologist Jacqui Manning. ‘Your early relationships can really set the scene for your love future, so having good experiences now will set you up with positive expectations from your partners forever.’

Ask your parents why they think you’re too young. Ask for their advice, and ask whether they’re comfortable to share their own experiences with you. Although some girls find it uncomfortable to talk about relationships with their parents, you can get some good tips by having an honest chat with them.

Relationships can be difficult to manage when you’re still busy learning about yourself, so don’t rush into it just because it’s what other people are doing, says Jacqui. ‘The important thing to remember is to not get swept up in another person’s idea of how the relationship should be, but to establish your own values and boundaries around what’s important to you — before you enter into a relationship. That way, you’ll have a better idea of when something doesn’t feel right.’

Before dating, think about the following questions: what kind of person do I like and what sort of qualities am I looking for in a person? What are my dating boundaries and deal breakers? What would a good relationship look and feel like to me? If, after you have put some effort into thinking about what you want, you feel self-assured enough to set boundaries in your relationships, then you may well be ready to get out there.

Nina and I have also developed a series of shareable images we have been using on Facebook and on Instagram to encourage girls into thinking more about their Relationship Deal Breakers and their Relationship Must-Haves. Feel free to download these and use them too! 

Let’s open up dialogue – not shut it down.

RRPicMonkey Collage

 

 

 

‘Selfie’ was the Oxford Dictionary’s word of the year in 2013 for a reason. Celebrities take them, politicians take them – but the biggest fans of the self-portrait are teenage girls. Today, girls not only have messages from the media influencing their definition of beauty, they also have Facebook Friends and Instagram followers to deal with.

We are all constantly being told what we should look like – and the ideal being pushed is pretty, thin, perfect and hot.

Ten years after the launch of Dove’s ‘Real Beauty’ campaign*, the company has released a video about selfies. The idea that everyone is beautiful in their own way is a powerful one, but the video sends mixed signals by having mothers and daughters learning to embrace their looks through receiving compliments on their photographs. Take a look at see what you think:

The association girls place on the link between their attractiveness and their ability to have a successful relationship is something I dubbed the “The Loveability Myth” in my next book on teens and relationships. Loveability – An Empowered Girl’s Guide to Dating and Relationships was co-written with Nina Funnell. Nina discussed why she saw the Dove campaign as problematic with me: “The paradox is that by continuing to focus on the girls’ exterior appearances, you end up reinforcing the message that what a girl looks like is still the most important thing about her. This myth has become so pervasive that many girls now believe that in order to attract love or experience a healthy relationship, they must first satisfy a ‘hotness’ pre-requisite.”

This message is particularly damaging when it comes to teen romance for many girls think if they do not work towards obtaining a particular look, they will not be loved. But girls who don’t fit conventional notions of beauty and girls who do are equally likely to have successful relationships. We mustn’t let our girls fall into the trap of trying to measure their loveability via the mirror or a set of scales.

To help debunk this myth, in our book I examined research on what teen boys viewed as desirable in a partner and found that boys were interested in far more than just looks. Girls have found these insights incredibly helpful and reassuring.

We all need to remember that  women are not just bodies, they are somebodies.

Loveability Shareable 5

“Loveability: An Empowered Girl’s Guide To Dating and Relationships” is being published by Harper Collins and will be on shelf February 1st. You may read the first chapter for free, and buy a copy, at the following link: www.loveability.com.au

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Nina and I will also be presenting some of our ideas at a book launch especially for educators being hosted at Harper Collins, Sydney on February 26th. Teacher’s resources will also be distributed at this event. To attend, contact Jacqui Barton, HC Education Manager, directly: [email protected]

Enlighten Education will also be launching a special 1 hour  stand-alone “Loveability” workshop for girls in 2014 which will be based on my work on this book. To book contact Enlighten’s Head office – 1300 735 997.  

 

* This is  not the first time Nina and I have been critical of a “Dove” campaign. You may read our Sydney Morning Herald post here:  Sexism dovetails with hypocrisy.

 

 

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